💙 Dispatch #8: The Art of Unfolding
What is it?
Almost a year ago,
I established a private coaching practice called The Art of Unfolding.
It is a way that I share space with other souls,
and support their growth through one on one conversations.
The name of the practice was inspired by my work with Aletheia,
a coach training program oriented toward the unfolding paradigm.
The unfolding paradigm is a way of developing as a human,
of growing, thriving, and flourishing as all organisms do.
It is wholeness becoming more wholeness,
the cub become the tiger,
the seed become the flower.
In our modern technological age,
we often see ourselves more like machines.
Autonomous, individualistic, cut off from the whole.
Making our way in a world that expects us to look, feel, and behave a certain way,
to get what we need.
To that end, we improve ourselves.
We upgrade.
Optimize.
Fix, because another paradigm that runs rampant is our brokenness.
We are broken.
And life is hard.
So -
We add more lines to the resume,
more numbers to the bank account,
more followers to the subscriber base -
all because we sense something is missing.
We can feel it, like a hollow in the chest.
We follow the culture that acts as the water,
the fish can’t see itself swimming in.
This is the culture of marketing, capitalism, materialism.
It is the culture of stuff.
It is the American Dream,
sold and packaged with a spray tan and a red hat.
It tells you that you are not enough.
If you have more stuff,
you’ll have more status.
If you have more status,
you’ll feel like you’re enough.
Others will love you.
Just so long as you keep that hamster wheel spinning.
You’ll find peace…. one day.
Some day.
Just keep grinding, okay?
The unfolding paradigm says that all of this, though well-meaning,
is simply untrue.
We’re not broken, and we certainly are not machines.
Nothing we obtain out there,
will ever fill our perceived hole in here.
We are inherently whole, and worthy of love -
simply because we exist.
To use some Christian language,
“made in the image of God”, Imago Dei -
a hologram of the universe,
contained in a single atom.
From this paradigm, there is nothing to improve, fix, or optimize.
No New Year’s Resolution,
no obtainment of the perfect job,
no attraction of the ideal mate found on a Hinge profile,
that will bring us to a sense of deep fulfillment and peace.
Peace is already what we are,
we are simply invited to recognize how we resist knowing this truth.
The other false narrative that the unfolding paradigm challenges,
is the idea that this re-cognizing is hard.
That change is hard.
You need discipline,
grit.
To push through.
Change is not hard.
Change is always happening.
Life is always growing, becoming.
And we love growth, don’t we?
We love this in our stories.
We love to see characters transcend their limitations,
and become the heroes they were always capable of being.
So if we are always growing,
why do we feel like we need to change?
Why do we experience being stuck?
Truth be told, we are not stuck - our defenses are.
Our ego fixations, the psychological structures that keep us safe,
but buffer us from fully feeling this life we embody.
Formed early in life when we experienced that which we could not tolerate,
these Parts of us remember how we were hurt and protect us from feeling that hurt.
And yet, by remaining rigid in these protections,
we struggle to adapt to the complexity of our ever-changing world.
We experience stuckness,
and these defenses then try to change the world or ourselves,
to keep us safe.
Those defenses also resist the natural unfolding change that wants to happen.
The becoming that wants to move through us.
The life that wants to sprout from the seed of our souls.
So, we don’t need to change.
We only learn to turn towards our defenses and love them too.
So they have permission to soften.
Melt.
Shine.
And let go of resisting our becoming.
The unfolding paradigm is an invitation to re-connect with life.
To re-cognize ourselves as Life herself.
To engage the dance of becoming,
to honor the music of our spirits.
What Aletheia has taught me,
and the last year has shown time and time again,
is that we discover this effortless way most surely in relationship.
Unfolding is a team sport.
The relational field we inhabit is the stadium.
There is no score or scorekeeper.
We simply witness each other.
We offer pointers to the truth of who we are.
We re-cognize each other as ourselves.
In this gaze of love,
we unfold.
Our wholeness becomes more wholeness.
The tree spreads its branches to cover the sky.
We find that life comes to us in beautiful, unexpected ways.
We gaze into the eyes of a lover without looking away.
We accept the abundance that wants to shower us with gifts.
We see that we never had to earn a damn thing in our lives.
The feast was always set at the table.
We only had to take the seat reserved for us.
As I reflect on my practice and let go of what I think it should be,
I’m asking what it is.
What does it want to become?
What is the Art of Unfolding?
I don’t know.
And I don’t need to.
But - a poem emerged anyways.
So I’ll share that with you.
Enjoy.
The Art of Unfolding
What is the art of unfolding?
It is the art of effortless growth.
The art of becoming more deeply who you are.
The art of expanding, like the flower.
Of filling in the lines with your colors.
Of formless becoming form.
The art of unfolding is the way of integration.
Of loving your Parts back into the whole.
Letting go into your untethered expression.
The Art of Unfolding is change that wants to happen.
It is the un-dammed river.
The re-established flow.
The Art of Unfolding is Nature growing her garden.
The gardener is Presence,
the gardener is You.
Flow on.
Inviting message, gorgeously written, JJ. I feel more human, more alive after reading this.
While I think most people will love what you've written here, I think many will fail to realize how much energy we pile into becoming. I know I do. It's so hard to stop pushing this large stone up the hill.
Bravo, JJ.